For me
by brokenunicorn
Summary: Loki ED fic so Trigger!warning. Just the intro so far. Established TonyLoki
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer, i own nothing. trigger warning.

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It began with eight words, eight words meant to be taken well, that caused him to spiral out of control.

Loki's long hands caressed Tony's face, brushing over the stubbly chin as he thrust his silver tongue into the billionaires mouth. After about a minute or so, the two broke apart, gasping, laying back on the bed, hands clasped together. Tony rolled onto his side, staring at his lover. It was so strange to think that mere months ago they had been enemies, whereas now Tony couldn't imagine his life without Loki in it, loving him, teasing him, always by his side. When he did try to imagine it, it was a cold dark feeling of grief that crept over him, like he had lost something he never realized he needed so badly.

Tony smiled softly at the green eyed god lying next to him. When they had first started seeing each other, Loki had been broken, stricken with the grief of what he had done to both Tony's world and his own. Now, the Trickster God looked healthy, happy, and loved. It was a sight for sore eyes indeed.

"Nice to see you having gained some weight."

Loki's eyes shot open, turning to look at Tony, and then down at himself. Tony chuckled, mistaking Loki's horror for confusion.

"You've been eating more, it shows. You look healthier now than before. It's good."

Loki's head was spinning. He had always prided himself on being slimmer, more streamlined and efficient than the lumbering, large Aesir he was often surrounded with, and to hear that he had gained weight horrified him. Gaining weight meant he was becoming like them. Like Volstagg, who repulsed him so, he gained weight all the time! Loki shuddered slightly. This would not do. He noticed Tony still watching him, eyes narrowed in confusion, and gave a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.

"Y-yes. Healthy. Good...Excuse me, I believe I shall head back to my room now to change."

Loki practically fled the room, breaths coming in short gasps now as his mind reeled. He needed to gain back his control over his body. He burts into his room, locking the door with magic behind him. He then conjured six mirrors around him in a ring, so he could see himself from all angles. He then began to catalogue his flaws, one by one.

Fat stomach

Fat thighs

Fat arms

Fat

Fat

Fat.

He wasn't grossly obese, at least he didn't think so, he just needed to cut down a little. Just a little. Yes. That would do.

And if he skipped breakfast today..well.

It wouldn't hurt.

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Shall i continue? or give up? read and review please!


	2. Chapter 2

OKay so people both on here and on dA asked me to continue this fic so...here you go :D i still own nothing.

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Loki woke to the sound of his stomach growling and grimaced. He had missed dinner yesterday, and not had breakfast, but he didn't usually need as much food as humans did anyway, and certainly not as much as Thor seemed to inhale each day. He had been eating three meals a day for a while, taking his cue from Tony and the others, but he realized now that this was gluttonous, and obviously the reason behind his repulsive weight.

After washing and dressing, today in a loosely fitted long sleeved green shirt and black jeans, which would hopefully hide the disgusting fat of his body, Loki made his way to the kitchen for coffee. And only for coffee, he repeated in his head. Black, no sugar. He would cut back where he could.

He settled himself on a stool, pouring himself his coffee, barely responding as his beloved entered the kitchen. They hadn't progressed to combining sleeping quarters yet, but Loki knew Tony wished to. Loki, however, wasn't yet ready, and now felt he never would be. Since his conversation with Tony last night, he couldn't help but think off all of his flaws and how disgusting his body was, and doubt why Tony could ever want to be with him. It saddened him greatly, as he thought there would inevitably come a time when Tony would realize how ugly and imperfect he was, and leave him. Loki started as a hand was laid on his shoulder.

"Loki? You okay?"

Loki looked up, calming his breathing, which had sped up without his realizing it. He looked into Tony's eyes, seeing intense concern, and was surprised to see the same in Steve's eyes, who he now saw was leaning in the doorway. He cleared his throat, croaky from pulling air in too quickly.

"I am fine, worry not."

Tony rolled his eyes and Steve sighed. The Captain pushed off from the doorway and walked further into the room, coming to sit down on the stool next to Loki.

"Yeah, sure, because a panic attack at nine in the morning is always a great indicator of how fine someone is. You wanna talk about it?"

Loki merely sighed, shaking his head. While he trusted the good Captain, this was hardly something he wanted to discuss. That would only speed up the process of Tony seeing his flaws more clearly, and truth be told, Loki was afraid if he told the Captain his troubles, the blonde man would confirm his fears anyway.

"Pancakes, guys? Blueberry?" Tony rustled around in the fridge.

"Sure."

"No thankyou."

Tony banged his head on the top shelf of the fridge as he removed stood up abruptly. Loki loved his pancakes, and never refused them. Not since they started going out had he ever refused Tony's cooking.

"Really?...Umm okay, anything in particular you wanted instead?"

Loki gulped, mind racing to find reasoning to not eat the calorific treats Tony always made for breakfast. And it was hard, truly it was, to refuse the,. His mouth watered at the idea of blueberry pancakes, with butter and syrup.

No. He had control. Will power. He would not let himself grow any larger.

"I am feeling rather unwell. I don't believe I shall have anything." It wasn't _really_ a lie. The thought of taking in so many calories did make him feel a little sick, enough to put him off of the pancakes for a little while anyway.

Loki startled again as he found he had gotten lost in thought once more. Tony, upon hearing his quiet, almost timid words, had been around the island table in a heartbeat, and was now gently lifting Loki's chin so that their eyes met, worry marring his beautiful features. He rested a callous hand on Loki's pale forehead.

"You don't feel warmer than usual...any other symptoms? Headache, chills, aching?"

Loki frowned at how worried he had made his love, but he was desperate to leave the kitchen before he could be coerced into eating something he shouldn't.

"I am not ill, love, worry not. I just awoke feeling slightly peculiar, a bit lightheaded and nauseous. It is no matter, I probably allowed myself to become too warm during the night. Frost Giants were not meant to face warm climates. I believe I will go lie down for a while, however." Loki pushed himself up from his chair and was surprised to find he _was_ feeling quite lightheaded. Steve noticed him swaying slightly and gripped his elbow, but Loki pulled away quickly, stumbling. He was terrified at the idea of someone touching him and feeling his fat, feeling how repulsive he was. He rested for a moment against the arm of the couch, head spinning.

"Easy there" Steve spoke to him, his voice sounding far away. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your room so Tony doesn't have a heart attack and let the pancakes burn. I think you need that lie down. Tony said he'll turn down the thermostat in your room so you don't overheat again"

They made their way to Loki's room from the kitchen, Steve keeping his arm behind Loki, but not touching, having correctly interpreted Loki's former reaction as being reluctant to be touched this morning. Tony had been startled by such a reaction, but Steve put it down to contact sensitivity. He knew some people who got that when they were feeling a little unwell.

They reached Loki's door, and he keyed in the code with shaky fingers. Steve helped him to his massive bed, pulling the covers around him when he lay down. Loki knew some part of him should be indignant to be treated like a child in such a manner, but as submitting was usually the fastest way to make the super soldier leave, he would grin and bear the treatment for now.

"Sleep, Loki. Tony and I, and Thor if i'm not mistaken, will be in to check on you later. Feel better."

As the door shut behind him, Loki flicked his wrist to lock it with his magic. He then clambered out of bed, paying no heed to the lightheadedness, and stood in front of his mirror once again. His hands roamed his body, harshly pinching the areas of fat, some springing up in bruises almost immediately. He held the rolls of disgusting fat in his two hands, thoughts flying through his head about how disgusting and unworthy it made him. Was this why Odin favored Thor? Did Tony see these imperfections and love him anyway? No. Of that he could be sure. Noone would love him like this. Unless Tony was only pretending to love him, and secretly laughing about him with the others about how little control Loki had and how pathetic he was. How very pathetic and weak.

Loki resolved then that he _would_ be strong. So what if he had to skip a few meals to do it? He could do that. He was the God of Lies, he could certainly hide it well enough.

He would be good enough for Tony, one day soon.

He just had to work to get there.

And with that resolve settling in his head, Loki began to formulate a plan.

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Read and review please :D


	3. Chapter 3

sorry this is short but...you know, long day at work and whatnot. hope you enjoy! none of this is mine.

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Tony opened the door gently, just in case Loki was still sleeping. He found the God laying in bed, eyes closed, but the lid of the right eye cracked open slightly upon his entry.

"Hey, how you feeling?" He walked into the room, perching on the edge of the large bed and laying a hand on his love's pale forehead.

"I feel rather strange...I cannot explain it."

The God pushed himself up into a sitting position and groaned softly as he found himself becoming lightheaded again, right in front of Tony as well. He had to be better than this. He closed his eyes, allowing a moment to steady himself. When he opened his eyes, it was to find Tony gone from his bedside. He frowned.

"Tony?"

"Hush, love, i'm here" Tony's voice echoed from the bathroom. "I'm just getting you a drink..you're worrying me, Loki."

Loki felt a smile twitch at the corners of his mouth, for he so loved to see evidence of Tony's affections for him.

"I am fine, it is just a little warm here in the summer. Even in my Aesir form, I do not do well in heat. I will be fine after a walk in the fresh air." He grasped his lovers arm, pulling himself up and walking towards his balcony. Truth be told, as he slid the doors open, he did feel a little better. It was as though a cloud of cotton wool had been removed from his mind, and he could think clearly again.

"Better?"

"Much"

"Good. So, got any plans for the rest of the day? Or are you gonna sleep some more?" Tony chuckled.

"Actually...I've been meaning to continue my magical studies using some of my old books from Asgard. Thor brought them for me when he returned from his last visit there...there is a particular spell i would like to perfect and study, perhaps adapt to work with your science. I am informing you because it will involve my spending slightly more time in the library and in my room...and less amongst our peers. I did not want you to worry or think I had something to hide."

Tony lifted an arm to rub circles in Loki's back. He had noticed, in his time with Loki, that the tall Asgardian had a very insecure side to him, always worrying about the possibility that he could be worrying others, or that someone might think wrongly of him after his reform. It was actually very sweet, in Tony's eyes.

"Hey...are you guys okay? Loki feeling any better?"

The couple turned to find Steve, mother hen mode initiated, peeking his head around the sliding door to the balcony.

"Loki's cool now, just needed some air. And hey, guess what? He's gonna start up studying magic again and see if he can work it into our science! Isn't that awesome? I can;t wait to tell Bruce, i mean, think of what this could do for our knowledge? All the advancements..."

Ignoring Tony's rambling - he never really cared for science himself- Steve turned to Loki, silently asking his question directly to the God.

_are you okay?_

Loki smiled softly, nodding in return. He would be ever grateful for the easy friendship the Captain had shown him over his months with the team, for it was the Captain who had accepted him the easiest, other than Tony and Thor of course. And, unlike Thor and Tony, Steve seemed to know exactly when Loki needed someone, and when he just needed to be left be for a while.

After disrupting Tony's ranting to himself - he hadn't yet realized noone was listening to him - the three parted ways, Tony leaning up to give Loki a deep kiss before heading off to his lab, leaving a blushing Steve to practically sprint to the training room, where he would no doubt defeat another dozen punching bags, and leaving Loki to sit at the table next to his bed with a book open in front of him. It was not a book of magic, as he would lead the others to believe, but a simple journal with a Norse cover spelled onto it.

And as he listened to the satisfying sound of his stomach growling, knowing it was a sign of his superior control over his body, he drew out three columns into his diary.

Calories consumed

Calories burnt

Purge Required?

Upon the completion of these columns, the tools that would help him show Tony he was worthy of their relationship, Loki shut the journal with a snap, and stood before the mirror, turning this way and that.

_So much fat_, said a tiny voice in the back of his head, maliciously, _better start now or you'll never get rid of it._

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	4. Chapter 4

So, to make up for the short chapters tonight, here is another one! I still own nothing.

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And so, the God of Lies formed his grand deception. Every morning he would wake up exceptionally early, shift his features so as not to be recognized outside of the tower, and go for a long run. When he retured, he would lock himself up in his room, sleep for a few more hours, and awaken around the same time as the other avengers. He would make his way to the kitchen, prepare a light breakfast, and take it back to his room with him, always claiming to be too invested in his studies to take a rest. He could see the disapproving looks Steve gave, and saw Tony's longing looks in his direction as he craved the company of his love, but Loki would not allow himself respite. Whilst he despised decieving and avoiding Tony now, the Inventor would agree in the end that it was worth it. He would agree when he saw how hard Loki was trying to be beautiful for him. To be _perfect _for him.

Once in his room, Loki would vanish the meal he had prepared, careful to leave enough remnants on the dishes so as to look as though he had truly eaten the food, going so far as to create with the flick of a finger, the patterns created by the cutlery on the plate. He would then partake in some more exercise, until the smell of food in his mind had left him feeling ill, and he would settle down to work. This pattern would continue after each meal, and Loki found that the more he associated exercise with meal times, the more disgusted he found even the prospect of eating. In the evenings, after dinner, he would devote a certain length of time to social time with the other avengers, being careful to avoid any repulsive 'treats' they were passing around.

Did they not realize what food like that would do to him?

Did they not see what he would be putting into his body?

_They want you to be fat, _said that voice in his ear, snickering unkindly. _They want him to see how much of a monster you truly are, incapable of controlling your own impulses. And they would be right_.

Each time Loki heard this voice, it convinced him of just one thing; he had to be _stronger._

For Tony. Because Tony was worth everything to him.

And so the cycle continued for a few days. Loki was beginning to feel weak, and dizzy alot of the time, but the voice told him it was natural. That the control he had over himself was making him giddy, and that he just didn't understand the strength of his body now that he had complete power over it. And Loki believed it.

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Steve walked into the kitchen, early on saturday morning, sighing internally as he saw Loki preparing his morning bowl of fruit with yoghurt. The pale God was exactly that, Pale, and if he looked hard enough, Steve could see the fine trembling of his long fingers as he gripped his spoon. Truth be told, he was incredibly concerned for Loki. The God was supposedly doing all this research into magic and science, and Thor had told them enough times that magic could be very draining, but Loki looked _unhealthy._ He seemed to be getting thinner, and he often had this dazed look on his face that looked like he was almost going to pass out. Speaking of which...

"Woah there!"

Tony darted into the kithen as fast as his legs would carry him as he turned the corner to see Loki's fingers lose grip on the counter, the God himself wavering and falling. Thankfully, Tony reached him in the nick of time, holding him up and guiding him over to the couch.

"You okay love? Gotta stop doing that to me, or even better, i need to teach you how to adjust the thermostat yourself. You could just ask JARVIS to do it you know, no need to wait 'til you're swooning in my arms from heat exhaustion."

From his position on the coach, eyes still unfocused, Loki grinned weakly.

"Yes..indeed..thermostat. Must learn to use that." Truth be told, Loki was just grateful Tony had come to his own conclusions regarding his episode. He was confused as to why it had occurred himself, but of course wouldn't admit that aloud.

"Tony, here, give him some of this. Looks like he could use it." Loki turned his head to face the Captain and felt his eyes widen in panic, his breath beginning to come in short gasps that made his chest ache and his heart pound.

No. No no no no no.

He was working so i hard. /i They just couldn't ruin it all for him in one morning.

"Good idea, cap. Hey, what's the matter? Relax, it's just a bit of chocolate, it's not going to add a pound to your body for every bite you take, you know."

A small sound escaped Loki then, a cross between a gasp and a sob, as he sprung to his feet and pelted for his room, tears pouring down his face. He sat in front of the mirror, fast becoming his favourite spot, and let the voice whisper reassurances to him.

_You did the right thing, _it crooned, the silky voice soothing yet terrifying at the same time. _They're just jealous of your control. They'll understand when they see how beautiful it makes you._

Loki sat in front of his mirror all day that day, not even bothering to emerge from his room to keep up the pretense. He didn;t want to talk to anyone. So he just sat in his room and cried, pouring his insecurities out to his mirror, and the voice.

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"Tony...I think there's something wrong with Loki."

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Hope you enjoy, read and review please :D


	5. Chapter 5

Okay so im actually not very happy with this chapter because ive just gotten over a bit of writers block so im not sure about it but merh. Hope you like it anyway! none of this is mine.

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Loki walked into the kitchen the next morning, merely to obtain some coffee, when he felt his world begin to tilt slightly. He paused in his travels, leaning lightly against the wall just next to him. He closed his eyes, allowing the moment to pass. This had been happening occasionally, but Loki reasoned with himself that it was nothing to worry about, he had probably just contracted some strange Midgardian disease that he know not the symptoms of.

"You okay?" Loki started at Tony's voice, not having heard the man enter the room. Loki opened his mouth to speak, but the voice kicked in, causing him to puase before he spoke.

_Tell him you're fine. You don't want to worry him, and it'll just be a burden. He already has to look at you every day, horrible, fat beast that you are. Isn't that hard enough?_

Loki choked a little, trying to hold back his tears. The voice had gotten progressively more malicious as time went on, and now it seemed he was almost afraid to speak to the other Avengers for fear of dissapproval.

"Loki?" Tony took a step toward the God, seeing how immensely _frightened_ he had suddenly become. Loki faced him, eyes wide, breathing erratic, and for just a second, Tony was afraid. When Steve had approached him, claiming something about Loki seemed off or wrong, he had his doubts. Tony was Loki's boyfriend, surely he would have noticed if something were wrong. He was now ashamed to see how much he had overlooked. He knew Loki was usually pale, but his skin now seemed practically translucent. He had deep sunken bags beneath his eyes, and his entire body was skeletal, the casual Asgardian clothing he wore hanging off of him. His eyes were unfocused, as though he saw through Tony instead of looking at him, and there was a light tremble in his hands.

"Loki?" He asked again, having recieved no vocal response. He reached out to rest a hand on the Trickster's shoulder, but just as his hand reached out, Loki emitted a strangled sound and moved away, still trembling.

"I'm fine" He whispered, voice hoarse as though he had been greatly upset.

"No you're not." Both Tony and Loki started then, Loki almost falling over as it made him dizzy once more, righting himself only at the last minute. Steve walked boldly into the room, standing in front of the couple, hands on hips.

"You've been acting weird Loki, you're getting thinner and thinner and you look like you're about to keel over any second. You barely talk to anyone, and don't think I haven't heard you crying in your room, because I have. Whatever is going on, it's nothing to be ashamed of, we're your friends, we love you and we want to help you"

At this, Loki's face twisted into a scowl. It was probably the most emotion he had shown in a while, even if it was scary as hell.

"Noone can love me. I am unlovable and repulsive. How can you bare to stand there, looking at me? How can you bare the sight? I have tried, iI have felt for myself how it burns to gaze upon such hideousness. I am disgusting. Morbidly obese and ugly, how can you not be ashamed to be near me, how do you not find this sickening. _I am a monster!_ He tells me so each morning and evening, and he does not lie. I am worthless." By the end of his screaming, all of the occupants of the Tower had assembled in the kitchen, witnessing Loki's breakdown. The vast majority were either in shock or in tears, but none more so than Loki, who by this point was breathing heavily as he sobbed with his head in his heands on the couch, where he had abruptly sat as he finished.

Thor stepped forward, moving to hold his brother, but Tony put a restraining hand on his arm.

"Don't. He doesn't like being touched right now." Thor nodded, but would not let the matter rest.

"Loki...I don't understand. What is happening to you, brother? You said you were researching, you had me deliver food to you because you were so busy."

Bruce stepped forwards then, hands wringing together in a nervous gesture, though he spoke with confidence.

"I understand. I think Loki's been suffering from anorexia nervosa. Steve, Thor, you might not know what that is. Loki..you said _he_ tells you things. Who did you mean?"

Loki's eyes widened even firther, if that were even possible, and he ran his shaking hands through his thinning hair. Bruce winced as he saw a few strands pulled out by the action.

"_Him_. The voice. He is me, i believe. He tells me the truth others won't. He tells me what i am worth, and how i must fix it. He understands. He reminds me how happy Tony will be when I am thinner. How Tony will believe me worthy of him then."

Tony clapped a hand over his mouth as if he were going to be sick, but Loki ignored him. He seemed to be running on autopilot, not processing who he was saying these things to, merely responding to any questions thrown at him.

Steve and Tony moved forward simultaneously then, taking the seats either side of Loki on the couch. Tony had tears on his face out of love for his boyfriend, and horror at the thoughts Loki seemed to have about what he thought of the God. Steve had a lone tear track on his face, out of horror that none of them had noticed what was happening until this late, that one of their team had that low self-esteem and that none of them had helped him. But what horrified him most was that he didn;t know what to do about it now. In his day, Anorexia was very rare to be spoken of, and it was unheard of for a man to have it, but Steve had no trouble believing Loki could be Anorexic. Even as they sat there, Loki groaned gently as a dizzy spell took him, frightening Tony almost out of his wits.

"Loki? _Loki!_ Stay awake for me baby."

Loki registered little else but his own lips forming the apology before he slipped into the welcoming darkness.

"I'm so sorry."

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	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys :) I know this chapter has a finite ring to it but it is DEFINITELY NOT the last chapter :P I own nothing...still *sigh*

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Steve paced outside the Medical suite, waiting for Tony to bring news of their fallen comrade. He knew his constant movement was irritating the other avengers, most of whom were all seated around him, but he was too anxious to stay seated. He descended like a wolf on meat when Tony opened the door to Loki's room, his face distraught. He stepped into the hall, hands folded tightly across his chest, as though he were trying to hold himself together. The billionaire took a deep breath, steadying himself before he spoke.

"B-Bruce has him on a drip" He ran his hands nervously through his dark hair. Steve was alarmed by how unsettled Tony seemed, for he was usually so calm and collected. "He's so _thin,_ Steve, I mean he was skinny before but...I just don't understand how we didn't see it. _How did we not see it?_" Here Tony grabbed the nearest lamp and sent it hurtling towards the wall where it smashed and sent a shower of glass over Thor. The Thunder God didn't even look up from his gaze towards the floor. Tony sank down the wall, landing with his knees bent towards his chest, his face in his hands. Steve crouched, putting a hand on his shoulder as he saw a lone tear slip from beneath Tony's hands.

"Shhh, Tony. He'll be alright. We know now, and we're going to help him, all of us. He'll be okay."

Tony removed his face from his hands, and Steve could see his eyes were red and puffy, and there could be only one word to describe his expression. _Heartbroken_. "I just don't understand how Loki could think I would want him to do this to himself. Why can't he see how beautiful he already is? He didn;t think he was good enough for me, Steve!" Tony's face crumbpled, his voice breaking.

"It's the Anorexia." Even Thor turned to look at Bruce then, none of them having heard him leave Loki's room. "The voice, as he calls it. It tells him nasty things, tells him he isn't good enough. Something triggered this in him, and it grew. If you listened to something inside your own head, telling you in your own voice, how worthless you are, all day, every day, you would begin to believe it as well."

A small groan from behind him had Bruce vanishing from the doorway, back into the room from whence he came, and Tony bolting after him, Steve and Thor vying for third place. Loki stirred gently on the bed, his eyes unopened as of yet. Tony had taken the seat at his side, winding his hands around the drip and the monitoring equipment to grasp Loki's own, his other hand coming up to run through Loki's hair, gently, so as not to pull any out as he whispered soft reassurances and pleas.

"Open your eyes baby. Come on Loki, let me see those beautiful green gems you're hiding. I love you baby, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and you're beautiful and I love you. Just open your eyes and let me see you. You're scaring me, baby."

Loki's face gravitated to the sound of Tony's voice, his eyes fluttering open. He blinked blearily, not quite conscious of his surroundings yet. When the fog cleared, however, it was impossible to miss the love in the room. It radiated from Tony, a warm smile on his face just from seeing Loki awake, despite all his inner turmoil. Loki's face had lit up at seeing Tony upon wakening, as though Tony were his sunshine, and he had seen far too many clouds recently. As Steve watched, envious, not of either of the two men, but of the connection they had, Tony stroked Loki's cheek with a calloused finger.

"Hey there, Sunshine. How you feeling?" Loki seemed to not just lean, but melt into Tony's touch. However, as the inventor spoke, a perplexed look crossed his sharp features.

"I do not remember...why am I here? What is going on?" Loki's eyes widened and his breathing sped up as he thought about what was happening. Tony was touching him, he was in a flimsy hospital gown, Tony could see the fat, feel the fat, despise the fat on his body. Tony would hate him.

"You mustn't look at me." He said in a small voice, turning to face away from his beloved. "I am hideous. You will cease to love me." It was heartbreaking for all present to see Loki so uncertain. Steve placed a hand on Thor's chest as the God opened his mouth to speak. It was important that Tony be the one to talk this through with Loki. They were just there for moral support.

"Don't." The word forced itself from Steve's mouth. He just couldn't watch Loki belittle himself this way. Apparently Bruce couldn't either, because he was the next to step forward.

"Loki...I know the voice in your head is telling you you're not good enough, but that voice is iwrong/i. You're already thin, and Tony loves you as you are. He always did. He fell in love with you before the voice was ever a part of you, can't you see? We're going to help you."

Loki sobbed, unable to hold it back. They didn't understand. "You can't get rid of it, it is the truth. Tony told me I had gained weight himself. I am just trying to rectify that matter, to prove I am good enough for you. I love you Tony, a little cutting back is nothing compared to what I would do for you, please, please understand that. I love you"

Tony felt as though he'd been struck. It was him. Him, who had triggered this. He hadn't meant it that way! Just Loki was so thin...it had worried Tony before, and then when he told Loki he had gained some weight...it was from sheer relief. He'd been happy to see the God gaining weight at last, but instead he'd caused the opposite.

"No no no baby, I didn't mean that. You're not fat, god, you're nowhere near it, that's why I was so relieved when you started putting on some weight, because I was always afraid I would snap you in half if you dipped you when we danced, or when I would hug you round the middle. I'm so sorry baby. You're so very beautiful." Loki ducked his head, unwilling to hear Tony's lies, he was only doing it to be kind. How could anyone love a monster?

Tony leant forward, capturing Loki's chin in his hand, gently tipping the God's face upwards, staring him in his beautiful emerald irises. "Look at me, and trust me. I love you, Loki Laufeyson. I have loved you since I met you, even when you were trying to destroy us, and I didn't know what love felt like, I know now I loved you even then. You are the most beautiful creature ever created. More beautiful than the sun and the moon and the stars put together. More beautiful than the rainbow bridge and the bifrost and all of Yggdrasil. And you are mine, and I refuse to let go of you, and I refuse to share you with this 'Voice' in your head. You are mine and mine alone Loki, and I will love you until my heart stops. You just have to let me _help_ you. _Please_, baby, let me help."

Steve let a few tears of his own break forth as the near skeletal Trickster God leant into the arms of his love, crying into his shoulder. Thor had tear tracks down his face, oddly quiet, as he watched his brother be rocked by Tony. Steve motioned with his head for them to leave, Bruce whispering to Tony that he would be down the hall if they needed anything. They all agreed the couple needed some time to themselves right now.

"How is he?" Oddly enough, Natasha had tones of genuine concern in her words. Huh...Steve had thought her incapable of that emotion. He answered without even realizing the words he spoke.

"He'll get there, in time. He has Tony now."

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	7. Chapter 7

Okay so yeah...this chapter didnt end how i originally planned but i still like it so i hope you do too! :D I won nothing

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Tony stayed with Loki day after day as he lay in the medical suite, leaving only to shower every now and then, leaving it up to Steve, Thor and Bruce to bring food and water when it was necessary. He slept either in the huge plush chair he had Thor bring in, or laying on the bed next to Loki, on Loki's good days. He had plenty of bad days, days when he would yell and cry and scream that they all hate him, and wanted him to be fat and disgusting. Some days he was just unresponsive. But there were moments, glimmers of hope, where with enough plying and reassurances Tony could get him to eat some apple slices dipped in honey, or a small sandwhich before the haunted look crossed his face and he refused to eat anymore. Tony never wavered, never showed his own troubles at Loki's slow progress. This wasn't about him, he knew that. He only cried the once, and he hated thinking about _that_ day.

He had just gone for a shower, -Steve dragged him away when he began getting a bit ripe- and since it was one of Loki's good days, he thought it would be okay to leave him alone for a bit. It had been nice, the hot water soothing the knots in his muscles from spending too long in his chair. He dried off, shaved, dressed in some nice clean clothes, and headed back to Loki's room, but when he opened the door, Loki wasn't in his bed. That in itself was slightly unusal, as the Trickster had been lacking the strength to walk unaided recently, and JARVIS would have told him if someone else had come in to help Loki (He liked being informed okay?). It was as he was about to open his mouth to ask JARVIS where their resident mischeif-maker was when he heard it. Heard the retching and the sobbing.

No.

That morning, he'd managed to get Loki to eat a decent amount of food, at least twice what the God had eaten the day before, and he'd felt so pleased. Loki hadn't even seemed that distressed by it. Now he knew why. Loki must have predicted Steve would drag Tony away today, and thought of this, this way of purging so he could say he'd eaten but not put on the weight. Oh, Loki, why couldn't he see how beautiful he was?

Tony opened the bathroom door, determined to put a stop to this. The door swung open, and Loki's head whipped up at the sound and Tony found himself frozen to the spot. The toilet was filled with vomit and blood, and a trickle of blood ran down from the corner of Loki's mouth. The God was panting, tears running from his eyes, which were red and puffy, and panic stricken. Tony fell to his knees beside his love, crushing the damaged man in a hug, ignoring the blood that now covered his shoulder, and allowed himself to cry.

He was so scared. _God_ was he scared for his Loki.

From that day Tony had made sure that whenever he was away from Loki, Steve or Bruce were planted firmly in the seat next to him. He wouldn't trust Thor with this, if only because the Thunder God was far too likely to leave Loki alone if asked, just to please his brother. Gradually, Loki was making progress, slow, painfully slow progress, and really it was all thanks to Natasha. Every day she had Loki write out a list of reasons he was better than The Voice said he was. Had him write things like his intelligence, he had a body of his own, a mind of his own, his magic, his family, and Tony. To be honest, at first it kind of creeped Tony out to see Tasha being so..._caring, _but Clint took him aside and told him that as a child Tasha had her own weight issues, so she kinda understood Loki's issues. She had him write in a journal every day, and then at the end of each journal he filled (and he filled LOTS, some just with angry words, others with drawings), they burnt it, to get rid of te negative emotion. Gradually, Loki started doing things on his own. He wrote out nice things he could think about himself, he drew pictures of Asgard and of his children, he talked to everyone again. He talked to Bruce about Science versus magic, and acted superior about being a genius in both respects. He talked to Clint about target practice and strategy, to Steve about Art, to Natasha about gossip and the lies others told, to Thor about his past. The only person he seemed to barely speak to was Tony.

Tony knew it was because Loki was afraid. He spoke to him sometimes, but when he did it was with a look of uncertainty, and around meal times he would be less inclined to eat if Tony was present. Natasha and Bruce said to give it time, but Tony was impatient. He loved Loki, and Loki loved him and he knew that, but this _hurt_.

It was a Friday, one of Loki's better days, when he found the God sat up in his bed, still being monitored of course, he was still far too thin, but he was eating. Little slices of pop tarts (which Thor totally hadn't gotten him hooked on). When he saw Tony in the door, however, he gulped, pushing the slices to one side.

"Loki...we need to talk about this. I didn't mean what I said to you in a bad way, honestly, i was ipleased/i. I mean it baby, I love you as you are"

Loki sighed, looking down at his hands. "You say that now, but if I had kept gaining weight, you would feel differently."

"Loki...how can I explain this so you'll hear me? I want to grow old with you. I want to marry you someday, when you're ready. I want to have children with you, and raise them together, I want to meet your parents, and have an eating contest with you and Thor, because God knows I'd be flattened but I can try anyway. I want to take you to the theatre, and to the fair, and eat cotton candy with you while we ride the ferris wheel. I want to take you back to germany, where we first met, and dance under the stars with you, and pull pranks on Steve and Thor every day for a month to see how long it takes them to crack. I want you to be the first thing i see each morning, the last thing i see each night, and the only one I think of everywhere in between. I don't know if any, or all of these things will actually happen, but I know i'm damn well going to try and make them happen, and I can't do that without you. I am _never_ going to leave you baby, not ever, whether you're fat or thin, Jotun or Aesir, Blue or yellow with pink pola-dots. I love _you_. Please, _please_ try to see that."

Tony shut his eyes as he finished his little speech, terrified of Loki's reaction. What if the God looked horrified because he'd come on too strong? What if he didn't believe him? Tony's inner terror was cut off by a pair of incredibly eager lips jamming onto his own, a warm tongue forcing it's way into his mouth. He responded in kind, breathing a sigh of relief and happiness that Loki had responded in this way. He lifted Loki from where he had tumbled into his lap, moving them both through the halls and to Loki's bedroom, which was closest. He was gentle with the God, due to his lack of nutrition for so long, Loki bruised like a peach right now. Their bodies pressed together on the soft mattress. They broke apart after about a minute, both of them needing to draw air. He smiled as Loki's hands carded through his hair. He hadn't intended to make love with Loki now anyway, he knew the God was still too sensitive about his body for that. But it was a start.

"Did you mean it?" Loki's voice breathed in his ear. Tony didn't need clarification on this point, he knew what Loki was asking.

"Yes."

Loki's hand stilled in his hair and Tony inhaled sharply, waiting. He relaxed when he found Loki smirking playfully, face inches from his own.

"Prove it."

And the God vanished, leaving Tony to a cold shower and alot of thinking to do. Tony really had meant what he said, and it sent a spark of joy running through him like electricity that telling Loki this seemed to finally make him realize that Tony wasn't going to leave him, no matter what. And now that Tony had admitted aloud what he wanted, it was time to do something about it. He would prove to Loki that it was more than just words to make him feel better.

He was going to propose tomorrow, that he knew.

But _how?_

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_Hope you guys enjoyed! Read and review please :D  
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	8. Chapter 8

Okay guys, hope you enjoy this. It might well be the last chapter, unless someone really wants me to continue it and has a prompt spark to get me going on this again :P btw, i own nothing.

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Oh god.

Tony Stark was not freaking out. Tony Stark doesn't do freaking out.

Except he was.

Because freaking hell, he was going to propose. To Loki. To a God. He needed a drink so badly right now.

"Tony calm down. You already decided you were doing this, you told him you were doing it, you know you want to do it. I don't see what the big deal is here, we all like Loki well enough by now, Thor isn't going to punch you through a wall over this, he fully supports it, so why are you panicking?" Steve sat in the corner of his Lab, playing the voice of reason as usual whilst Tony paced the room. The ring sat on the table between them, taunting Tony whenever he saw it.

"You don't get it Cap. Loki's fragile. He'd kill me if he heard me say it but it's true. The guy has an eating disorder that was stimulated by a comment from me, what if I mess up like that again? I'm only going to hurt him, Steve, and he deserves better than that! And what if i'm not good enough for him, and he says no? What if-"

Tony was cut off by a sharp slap to the face, snapping him out of his haze of panic. He blinked back to reality to see Steve stood over him, looking disapproving as usual.

"Tony, this isn't about you. Loki loves you, and it'll hurt him even more if you turn back on your word now. Why don't you let him make the decision about whether or not you're good enough for him by way of his answer? And truth be told, anything could've sparked his insecurities. If it wasn't your comment, it only would've happened later down the line. Loki was a walking time bomb waiting to turn into an insecure mess. But with you, he's getting better. You're healing him, Tony, do you really think you're bad for him? How will he feel if you refuse to show him your dedication now? Is that really the message you want to send?"

Tony sighed, knowing the Captain was right, as usual. He loved Loki so much it hurt, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but it was all down to Loki's response. Noone could make that choice for him. If he was ready, he would say yes. God he hoped he would say yes.

Steve saw the understanding in Tony's eyes and decided they were ready to move on. "Now, where are you taking him?"

Tony insisted on their taking the jet to their destination, rather than letting Loki teleport them, as he offered to do. This wasn't just any old night, where Loki's magic came as a huge convenience, this would be the night he proposed. It deserved every ounce of effort and expense he put into it.

Tony hopped out of the car, jogging round to Loki's side to open the door for him, stopping only briefly to grab the picnic basket from the back seat. (He'd had Pepper make the food, he didn't think giving Loki food poisoning would be a very good proposal)

Loki stepped from the car, timidly, Tony noticed, looking slightly unsure of himself. He sighed, realizing that just because Loki was having a good day today didn't mean his issues had disappeared. He was still highly reluctant to eat most foods, and sometimes, when he thought noone was looking, Tony caught Loki pulling up his shirt in front of the mirror, grasping his skin, tears rolling down his cheeks. It made Tony's heart ache when he saw these little, vulnerable moments that the God had, but it didn't stop him loving him.

Tony spread the picnic blanket on the surface of the hill he had driven them to, getting out two punnets of strawberries, one of cherries, a bushel of apples and a bottle of red wine. Champagne could come later, and as far as the fruit went, he was going to try his hardest to make tonight as easy for Loki as possible, so that meant no triggering foods like chocolate or pastries. That was fine. He could handle fruit, and if Loki could tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue...well. All the better.

The two men lay together under the stars, and Loki sighed contentedly. Tony had decided to bring them to Sark Island, a beautiful island off of France, where at night, you could see the entire milky way stretching from coast to coast, billions of shining stars glistening at you. Loki's eyes were glistening themselves as he thought of his fond memories of stargazing with Thor and Frigga, and sometimes Sleipnir. He found himself reminiscing over his lessons about Yggdrasil, about the Nine Realms. He slipped his hand easily into that of the billionaire playboy he lay beside, eyes roaming the sky, mapping the constellations.

"It reminds you of home, doesn't it?" Stark's voice cut across his musings.

"Yes. No. It reminds me of Asgard, but Asgard is not home."

Tony frowned. He thought Loki and Thor were moving past this. "Loki..."

"Here is home. You are home."

The words resulted in a face-splitting grin emerging on Tony's face. He rolled onto his side, carding his hands through the ebony hair of his love, occasionally pressing a warm kiss to the cold forehead beneath him. Green eyes followed every moment for a while, eventually slipping closed in relaxation. Tony decided now was the time. He could do this.

He hoped.

"Loki, look at me, would you?"

Under the sudden stare of the emerald orbs, he felt his throat dry out, and took a quick swig of wine to moisten it. He took a deep breath to calm himself, ignoring the perplexed look in those eyes, and continued.

"Before I met you...well, my life was a whole lot more boring, even with the iron man suit. When you dropped into my life, I was intrigued. I had never felt such honest, open curiosity about anything before. And when you had to go back to Asgard...I was crushed. I know time runs differently there, and it seemed alot longer to you than to me, but trust me Loki, it seemed long enough down here too. The light had gone out of my life, because I had no drive for anything. I knew someone like you existed, so full of magic and wonder and possibilities...nothing else mattered anymore. And then Thor brought you back...I never wanted to let you out of my sights again. I had had a taste of something beautiful, and it had been wrenched away from me, and I didn't like it. Loki...I want you to know that I still think of you as the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes upon. You get more and more beautiful every time I open my eyes to realize I really am that lucky, that I get to see you again today, and every day, that you have decided, for some reason, that I am good enough for you. Every day you are more and more perfect, and it's not to do with your body, or your magic, or anything like that. It's all of you Loki. Just you. The past few months have been a blessing, a true blessing from Odin, or Frigga, or the Norns, or whoever it is that let me be lucky enough to have you. And with your permission, and only your permission, I would like to carry those months on into the rest of my existence. Will you have me?"

Loki stared at him for a good minute, although it felt like a century to Tony. The green eyes shone with tears threatening to spill forth, and Tony tried to still his rapidly beating heart. Had he said the wrong thing? Did Loki not feel that way? He was cut off by a pair of lips on his own, slightly wet from fallen tears, but eager. As suddenly as they came, the lips were gone again, replaced by a hand either side of his face.

"Anthony Stark...nothing would bring me greater joy than to wed you. Yes, I will be yours, for eternity, my love."

Tony huffed out a breathless laugh, sagging with relief. He straightened up after a moment though, pulling from his pocket a deep green velvet box, which he opened to reveal the engagement ring he wanted Loki to have. It was a tiny version of his arc reactor, surrounded by sparkling diamonds, set in a strong platinum band. He was surprised to see Loki doing similar, presenting him with a box. After placing the ring on Loki's ring finger, he opened his own box. Set in a velvet cushion was a gold band, in the shape of a serpent, set with emerald eyes. However, the gold had a slightly...rainbow sheen to it. His eyes were transfixed until Loki pulled his chin up, their eyes meeting.

"It is imbibed with the same material the rainbow bridge to the bifrost is forged from. It is said to be the strongest material ever existed. I would not have you part with this ring against your own will, for it binds you to me, and I to you. Should you ever be in immediate danger, the ring will summon me, or alternatively teleport you from there. The serpent is modelled after Jormungandr, who I hope to take you to meet someday. He has vowed, as a gift to me, to act as your eternal guardian, and so the ring links you to him also. With this on, you shall always be safe, and you shall always know how much you are loved."

Tony, overcome with emotion, was speechless. How could he have ever doubted Loki's love for him? This ring, this one small token, proved more to him than a thousand declarations of "I love you". He let tears slip down his face as their lips collided once more, passionate, yet chaste. The two men, now engaged to be wed, fell asleep that night, hands linked, laying in the grass. When the sun rose in the morn, they would know nothing but happiness.

Happiness, and love.

Now they just had to tell the other avengers.

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Review please :D


	9. Epilogue

Okay guys so this is actually the end! I hope you enjoyed this fic but watch this space, there are always more fic ideas in my journal :D

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A shrill wail erupted through the mansion, follow closely by the dull voice that was JARVIS at 3 in the morning.

_Sir, I do believe Little Stark is distressed and hungry_

Tony rolled onto his side, bashing his lover round the head with a pillow. "Your son is awake. Go feed him"

"I gave birth to him, _you_ get up and feed him, Stark."

Tony sighed, knowing he would end up being the one to feed the baby, but not wanting to go down without a fight.

"Ugh, i know you gave birth to him darling, you haven't lost the baby weight yet."

Tony's eyes widened as his mouth stopped moving. _Shit._ Tony knew Loki still had issues with his body image, and it had been a hard time during his pregnancy to keep him from reverting to unhealthy habits again. There were times when Tony had had to physically hold Loki for hours and hours, whispering to him how beautiful he was, and that the rapidly growing bump on his abdomen only made him more beautiful, showing the precious life that grew within him.

And now he could possibly have undone all that with a quip.

"Shit, Loki, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, you know what I'm like when I'm tired, it was a joke, you know how beautiful I think you are-" He was cut off by a long, slender finger on his lips, green eyes staring into his own.

"Hush, you babbling fool, I know. It meant nothing. I think I saw what you think of me when you took to writing how beautiful I was on every surface you could find, iincluding/i Mjolnir. I am sorry you feel the need to repress your..._unending_ wit in front of me. Relax, love, I will take it as it is. A joke." Loki kissed him, long and deep, exploring Tony's mouth with his tongue. They broke apart, bleary eyes and sleepy, but no less in love than the day they married. In this moment, there wasn't a thing in the cosmos that would tear Tony Stark from his husbands side.

"Now go feed the baby, idiot."

Except that.

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Reviews? :D


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